Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Welcome back to the Forestry Mountain Bike Commissioners!
In the same week that the FC announce that their flacid publication Forest Life is actually a load of crap that nobody reads and invariably featured a spotty twat on a mountain bike on the cover, the FC have also won the rights to hold The World Falling Off Me Bike and Scuffing Me Shins Championship in our beloved Dalby Forest.
Thanks to several million pounds of public subsidy, the FC have spent years promoting this sport and can afford to invest in endless design consultants, ecological surveys, heritage risk assessments, public health benefit appraisals and god knows what. But all they have done is promote the idea that it`s ok to set off hell-for-leather through your nearest wood regardless.
Ebor Forestry would be pleased to hear from woodland owners suffering from these government sponsored idiots who desecrate ancient monuments and abuse public rights of way so that we can put a stop to this pestilence once and for all.
It wouldn`t be so bad if the buggers could be arsed to cycle up hill for once as if it was a proper sport.
Lazy, useless, ne`r-do-well bastards.
And that`s just the Forestry Commission.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Come back soon.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
In open space no one can still not hear you scream!
We at at Ebor Forestry urge you to look at http://www.forestry.gov.uk/website/forestry.nsf/byunique/INFD-7LZKKA and take part in its self-destructive survey before it`s too late and our beloved Forestry Commission become the Vast Useless Bits of Grass and Heather Commission or even worser disappear into the maelstrom that is Natural England altogether.
After all, since when was forestry ever natural?
Monday, April 6, 2009
Ebor Forestry have a funny turn or something
The Listeners by Walter De La Mare
For more on Stanley Holloway start here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUVzki2j87k with this great Roy Hudd performance!
Friday, April 3, 2009
London Plane sailing
There has been some criticism recently of the treatment given to these planes in Parliament Street in the centre of York.
Ebor Forestry would like to point out that these awful trees were specified amidst some pomp and ceremony in the early `90s by some now long forgotten landscape architect working from the same planning office which also specified the hated building which became known as the "splash palace" seen here in the middle distance. Instead of becoming an iconic feature of one of the few open spaces left in central York, one of the most intact and extant medieval town centres in Europe, it is in fact nothing more than a public toilet.
Apart from being inappropriate specimens for such a plaza, these trees have been nailed, stapled, plastic-banded, garroted and tied for countless ephemeral reasons dreamed up by the passing whims and fancies of even more forgotten city-centre managers and ward members trying to respond to the latest political vagary.
The bastards.
What would YOU do in the city`s poor arboricultural manager`s shoes?
Exactly.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Countryfile is moving!
Ebor Forestry doesn`t fancy Matt but would buy Meg a drink or two!And now what! They`ve moved the bastard to teatime where they will no doubt promulgate their half-baked, badly researched interpretation of the British countryside designed for 8 year olds to a few more hundred thousand soporifics full of TESCO factory-farmed roast chicken dinners!
Now, I for one am not having rumpy-pumpys with Mrs Ebor Forestry at teatime for anyone using a vicarious former Blue Peter presenter as a sex-aid unless it`s Lesley Judd or John Noakes and I don`t care if it`s Matt whatsisname.
I`d rather have The Archers on a DAB radio whilst enjoying the fruits of Mrs Ebor Forestry`s body.
Or better still, just doze off in front of Midsomer Murders.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Forestry Commission bugger about with the EWGS again!
If we`ve got this right, the FC are now making it easier to qualify for the grants that were available before the FC imposed a new set of rules that made it really difficult for the small woodland owner to qualify for grant aid for before the the FC changed the rules back to nearly how they were before.
I`ll have to consult with Mrs Ebor Forestry about that -
- bugger, she`s gone off to bed all menopausal.