LOADSAMONEY!

The FC still have loads of money to spend on woodland creation and have therefore extended the usual 30th September deadline for Woodland Creation Grant applications.


It really helps your application if your proposals include planting woodland so close to people that will it obstruct their satellite TV reception when analogue is turned off, interfere with a view in 15 years time and harbour drug dealing dens in about 20 years.

And there was I still trying to get me head round yield class!


Extra points can be earned if your proposals include planting really complicated native woodland species mixtures at various spacings with attractive grassy open areas where the widest range of people can engage with the natural environment. Your application will be fast-tracked if the local planning authority subsequently decide to bulldoze your woodland within 10 years to make way for affordable housing and a nice new sports centre where people have to pay to go running on-the-spot instead of running through some nice woodland in the fresh air.