It snowed in London this week.
This of course brought the whole country to a standstill or at least it stopped all those softy southern bastards who live in the south getting into work and making a complete bollocks of the nation`s economy for once and gave the rest of us some respite from their self-serving bungling ineptitude.
Meanwhile, up north Ebor Forestry battled through the snow flake we got in York and made it into work and swiftly set about sending an email to that smirking Paul Hudson off the moving television at paultheweatherman@looknorth.bbc.org informing him that he might like to consider forestry as a career and that judging by his completely useless weather forecasts he would fit in well with the Ebor Forestry ethos.
Once we had vented us spleen at Mr Hudson, our numerous planting gangs started to call in reporting deep snow on pretty well all of Ebor Foresty`s planting contracts across West Yorkshire. This meant we had to hurriedly rearrange our team of highly trained tree establishment teams onto other Ebor Holdings enterprises such as paving over front gardens to provide off-street parking for all the "second car" 4x4`s none of our customers knew how to work properly now that they were needed.
Having reassigned what seemed like half the population of Poland onto meaningful work, we did what what Ebor Forestry knows best which was to pull a nice rug round us legs, slip on some amusing Simpsons slippers we got the Christmas before last and set about writing some COTs.
Just like the Forestry Commission set about an impressive but ultimately misguided planting programme of new conifer forests in all the wrong places in 1919, so now we have the Condition, Opportunity and Threat assessment designed to keep redundant foresters in gainful occupation in 2009.
Check out the FC`s foresters` form-filling fecundity at http://www.forestry.gov.uk/pdf/ewgs-cot.pdf/$FILE/ewgs-cot.pdf
And while we`re on the subject of snow, I have to take exception to the numerous images of snowmen that have been paraded across the local and national media this week.
As an overweight, white, balding bloke with a propensity to wear scarves I am offended by the countless stereotypes that have been presented for public amusement on the moving television and will be sending a stiff missive to Christa Ackroyd in the BBC Look North Newsroom.
