TMS - an update.

Integrated Tree Management System.

Sound`s good doesn`t it. Ebor Forestry thought we`d have one of them.

A way of integrating cutomer enquiries, tree surveys, GIS technology, database recording and financial outputs, all on a web based tool that will facilitate maximum flexibility for your tree management teams whilst achieving optimum ouputs for your clients.

Sounds great! How much is it?

£76 000.

Is it really?

No, its more like well over £100 000 with all the pratting about.

What do we get for our money and how will it make our lives easier?

You get these swanky PDA things in ruggerised cases which mustn`t get wet or taken outside otherwise they don`t work and mustn`t be dropped or thrown across the office for being useless piles of tat or used anywhere near trees which might interfere with the satelite connection.

Sounds just the sort of useless bollocks Ebor Forestry could be interested in. Tell me more.

Well, we have a really useful TMS Users Forum on our website where you can exchange ideas with other TMS users.

Great. How many TMS Users Forum members are there?

Er - you and me, at the moment.

Tell me the truth, TMS is shite, isn`t it.

No, I disagree, we are working towards providing our clients with a genuinely user-friendly, customer facing, integrated tree management system that maximises the potential of the latest GIS/internet technology.

It doesn`t work, does it.

Er - no.

It`s crap, isn`t it.

Er - yes.

What is it?

Useless bollocks.

At last. Where do we send the cheque?

For more useless web-based pratting about, type in Exegesis in your search bar on the interweb but I probably wouldn`t bother if I were you.